EkiN

2010-12-16T02:19:00.003+08:00

I really feel stupid, being in a class of students with Grade Point Average not less than 3. I can't possibly catch up. The main cause of my low GPA is because I am superrr lazy and I don't like my course at all, as a matter of fact, I hate it. I am beginning to think leaving ITE was a terrible idea. It was my life, and I enjoyed going to school. I had a plan, but I was too reckless to stick to it and now, I am facing my own music.

And to those who have been reading my blog, I purposely stopped blogging just so people won't read my blog anymore and I can have this blog to myself. There are a lot of busybodies out there and I decided a long time ago I wanted to make my life private.

Ouh, my love life.. HHMMM.
I am literally a mess right now. I am in love with someone who isn't in love with me because I made a stupid decision 8 months ago and lost him completely. Now he won't talk to me at all. And I think I am pretty stupid settling for second best. The problem is I can't let go of the past and I keep going back even though I know it's not the best choice, or the worst. And I keep letting the good eggs go because I was always afraid I might not be as happy, not that I was happy though. Don't get me wrong. I love my boyfriend and never had intentions of cheating on him or something like that. It just happened. I didn't ask for all that to happen either nor did I ask to fall in love with someone whom my family would disagree me being with and whom constantly left me heartbroken thoughout the years. And I wasn't cheating. It was only when I broke up with my boyfriend, FOR AWHILE, that I fell in love with someone else, and I knew he was very much in love with me too. But I had to hurt him because I was too afraid to take a chance. Soo... Once again, I made a stupid decision to follow my mind and not my heart. It's too late now to be regretting or try to do something about it. It has been months. Oh well, I guess I had to learn that lesson. Thank god I still have my lovely family and friends to fall back on everytime.

Good night. I hope no one is reading this.

Love you bby,

2010-01-17T16:09:00.003+08:00

I miss the times when you'd hug me like a small keed.

I miss the times when you'd tickle me and I'd scream and laugh trying to break free.

I miss the times when you'd send me texts every morning and every night telling me you loved me.

And everything else.

Everything's changed. You'd get mad at the slightest things, you don't tickle me like you used to, and you don't want to bring me out anymore. Whatmore, you have your bike back now. Your no. 1 priority has changed.

You told me I reacted the same way when you first had your bike 2 years ago. But tell me, who likes being pushed second or third place out of a sudden?

But I know you love me, so I'll give you time to get accustomed to your new/old life. Hopefully, things between us stay the same. I might eventually give up, but leaving you is the last thing on my mind. because you're the only one who can make me feel happiest, and also who can break my heart the hardest.

yay! new skin!

2009-10-18T10:43:00.004+08:00

Hey people, because I couldn't sleep, I decided to change my blogskin! I'm sick and tired of the old one. hehe. I hope you like it. Start giving me comments will you? It's getting dusty in here!! :)

St James!

2009-10-18T09:08:00.003+08:00

I gotta admit this, St James is by far the best club I've been to. No fights, no matreps. The best thing is that we get free drinks! All of us were wasted and we partied all night long. The music played are all up to date, unlike dbl o. And i thought dblO was cheap, but this is even cheaper! Besides the locker charge, I didn't even come out a single cent! It's the greatest I tell you. I'd definitely go there again. The only bad thing about it is the desperate guys trying to catch our attention. EEE GELI.

SCHOOL IS STARTING TOMORROW. Okay, I've enjoyed enough. Party mode turned off, study mode turn on! Turn on please, TURN ON! ok da, enough mental pushing. I know this will be a semangat seminit thing, but I really gotta start doing better next term.

Till then, good morning people!

P/s. Time check-9:33am. How the hell am I supposed to turn my sleeping clock back around. :(

P/P/s. I kinda miss someone. It's around this time of the year...... hhhm. Wadever. bye.

doubleO!

2009-10-02T12:00:00.000+08:00

ME.

Chez & Wei Qing.

Me & Chez.

Chez, me & Qing2.

Me and Qing2.

Us again.

..........

My beloved.

Need I say who? :)

Otw to dblO.

A night to remember. So many things happened that night, both good and bad. I pity him for getting into a fight at DblO and the reason was because of me. Not only that, Chez and Wei Qing got hurt as well. I'm sorry you guys. I'm not gonna explain what actually happened that night, because I don't want this story to get out. But one thing for sure, I loveddd my make-up for that night. Thanks to Chez for putting on that eye make-up for me. I'm beginning to love wearing eye liner and I'm slowly learning how to apply eye make-up for myself. hehe! You guys should try it too! It's fun. Not too minah-ish, but more like kakak-ish! hahahaah! It's time I did something to make myself look more mature. My friend said I look like a 14 year old without make-up, and I don't know wether it's a compliment but nah!!! I wanna look my age, for now at least!

2009-09-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

Exams are over and I feel sooo relieved, not that I studied my ass off though. Haha. I'm afraid I'll be repeating some modules next term. Hopefully not. *praying hard.

I've gotten the greatest news ever yesterday. Bf called to tell me that he's decided to continue his studies. I almost jumped up and down! I've been pestering him for a very long time to pursue his studies and finally, he agreed. Alhamdulillah. I hope he sticks to his decision because I really wanna see him succeed. Not for me, but for himself.

Heading down to bugis tomorrow to cut my hair. Gosh, the guy said he wanted to cut my hair short. I am very afraid right now. I've neverrrr had short hair before and I bet I won't look good in it. :( For a change, maybe. I'm sick and tired of long hair anyway. haha.

I've gotta start updating pictures in this blog soon. It's too wordy already. haha take care people!

2009-08-17T01:49:00.001+08:00

Rule #1
-Once a partner cheats, never forgive.
Rule #2
-If you don't love him, leave him.
Rule #3
-Don't revenge him, it will only make things worse.
Rule #4(most important)
-Don't cheat on your partner.

Wow, I feel like my words are contradicting my actions. haha
and btw, I said I wouldn't blog anymore. Haha. I'm sorry. I seriously have nothing better to do right now. :)

Happy 18th Shida. Love you! Looks like the only babies left are Wei Qing and me. tkperrrr. 4 months for you guys to mock me, and then HHMPH!!! haha.

2009-08-10T06:22:00.002+08:00

I AM SO TIRED OF BLOGGING. MAYBE I HAVE GROWN OUT OF IT. I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE ANYMORE AND I AM TOO LAZY TO UPLOAD PICTURES SO YEAH, WHAT IS A BLOG WITHOUT PICTURES RIGHT? I SUPPOSE I WILL ONLY UPDATE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT SO DON'T BLAME ME. HAHA. I FINALLY REALISED THAT BLOGGING IS FOR SICK PEOPLE WITHOUT LIFE. THANK GOD I REALISED IT SOON ENOUGH. hahahahahahahaha!

Before anything else, all I wanna say is that I'M JOKING!!!!!!!! Please don't take it to heart.

But seriously, i'm sick and tired of blogging even though thr's been alot to blog about lately. Maybe it's because I want to have my own privacy for once. Im sorry people but I've gotta feeling this blog is gonna be dead soon. Until I feel lonely again, toodles! hehe. :)

2009-07-12T00:12:00.003+08:00

I get disgusted when people keep telling the world about their undying love for each other every hour on facebook and on blogs. I found it sweet at first, reading their poems, cliches and replies for each other but after some time, it totally got irritating. It's not that I'm jealous, but I just find it a tad too much. What happened to your handphones or MSNs? You could have told each other yourselves without showing it to the whole world right? Have you seen gays or lesbians making out and touching each other in public? THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW!

I'm not saying that it turns me off looking at gays or lesbians. I respect everyone even if they're complete transexual or anything close to that but cmon! This is too much lah kan. Are you guys in a competition for the most romantic couple of the year? Or are you just scared that your gay partner might run away if you're not sweet enough? I do talk about my boyfriend all the time, but I don't flood his facebook , friendster, or tagged with lovey-dovey comments all the time. That's very rare even. But why is it that you have to do it every single day and hour or fuck, WHENEVER YOU ARE ONLINE? I keep going to my home page and get flooded with new posts from you guys, and it's totally unammusing.

I'm begging you, please stop it coz ure giving not only me, but the rest of your friends headaches.

Ok let's not talk about that.
Super takut for tomorrow. Wish me luck. I hope I won't trip or fall. hee.

2009-07-07T19:49:00.002+08:00

fuccckk.
I totally forgot how to use dreamweaver!
How the hell am I suppose to complete my project? :(
School's starting next week and I'm still stuck.

2009-06-28T19:55:00.004+08:00

Monday, June 29

Your career may be your priority right now, but make sure this situation is only temporary. A long lasting relationship is what will truly make you happy. Don't lose sight of your goals.

I guess that's true. I wanna be successful one day, but all of these would mean nothing if I didnt have family, friends and a guy to hold me close. I wanna wake up in the morning knowing that I'm not alone.

So I am waiting for boyfie to call me, and its already 8.01pm on my clock. He promised to treat me to watch Transformers today, not that we already didn't on friday but everything screwed up in the end. It's sweet that he's making up for it even though it wasn't his mistake that we missed the whole movie, but it's not sweet anymore that he's still asleep!!

Ouh, alot of my friends have permed their hair and I feel so jealous. I wanna perm my hair too but I don't think I will look good in it. Kean from T&G is giving me a free rebonding. I can't wait. hehe. Maybe after I rebond my hair, I'll wait for a couple of months before I perm it. That is if my hair doesn't end up getting cut short!

July is coming and I am so excited!

9th- My sister's birthday
9th- Boyfie gets to retake his license
12th- T&G
13th- Seri's birthday

4 things to party for next month! :)

It's better covering your own pantat.

2009-06-27T03:37:00.004+08:00

I just pray for one thing, fairness. It doesnt matter anymore. Life's like that. Maybe it's because I left a bad impression or whatsoever. Whatever it is, I know I am neither in the wrong nor am I saying that I am in the right. I just wonder if it's different giving away 2-3 pieces to all strangers and giving out abt ten to a friend. Everyone else has been doing it. It's not like I didn't do my job at all or I gave the whole big stack to a friend. hais. Well, maybe the lesson here is to be dishonest all the way in the working life aye? Boyfriend was very supportive all along and I appreciate it alot. I really liked working under star mission, the events and all even though some of the jobs given are unamusing. But I think this is the end. Ouh fuck it. I don't wanna think about it anymore.

2009-06-15T13:30:00.008+08:00

Wei Qing asked us this question, "Aye, you guys not sick of each other uh almost 4 years already together?"

He answered no and shook his head without pausing. I kept quiet all the way throughout the conversation because I was too touched to say anything. lol.

It took me quite long to realise this but I am blessed to have a boyfriend like him. He's changing and I hope he stays this way. :)

He sang dik but changed it to my name. how sweet is that? haha. Ok I actually forced him to do that.. lol.

We've watched each other grow, right from the start of your NS till your very last duty, when u had your lisence till you got revoked and now, till you can soon start taking again next month, when I was in lower secondary til repeating O's and now, in poly - Since 1st december 2005. There were times when we broke up but in the end, we'd still only find comfort in each other's arms.

You can only love someone once you've known each other inside out.

With him, its a constant roller-coaster ride and I love that.

2009-06-13T15:16:00.004+08:00

I guess somebody's been trying to prove something to me these past few days and I don't like it one bit.. I wonder if I should just keep quiet and pretend nothing happened or confront her.

So let me justify a lil here.
I don't have to prove anything to you because I never had bad intentions. Even from the beginning, you were the one he chose so there's no reason to feel insecure or smell something fishy when nothing was even there in the first place.. That's all I'm saying. And if you think I am being a bitch posting this, you should reflect yourself in the mirror. If you had disagreements, you should have confronted and made me understand your position, not talk about it in you blog. So I wonder now, what are/were your intentions anyway? Let's be nice okay. U know a better place to find me if you still feel like talking. :)

2009-05-31T21:48:00.002+08:00

I'm back from two days of work at Tampines Mall. Damn tired. Bumped into alot of ppl, mostly old friends. I saw an ex-lover yesterday and I was damnnn shocked. I trembled immediately and hid my face because he was staring straight at me and frens in the train. I'm not prepared to see his face. The worst thing thing was that I didn't have the guts to even smile at him, not because of guilt or hatred. I just felt lost and the pain rushed in instantly. Thank god he went out on the next stop and I knew the reason was because he wanted to avoid me too. Before that in the bus to TM, I already told Seri that I had this feeling I would get to meet him today, and there he appeared in the train 4 hours later when we were otw to Central to accompany Wei Qing for her short briefing. It's funny why the feelings are still there even after six months. Out of soo many people, he was the biggest regret and maybe I just can't forgive myself for screwing things up with such a good guy but life has to move on. I'm happy with my life now, and I know he is too. We've agreed on this path, there's no use for me to look back again.

PS: I'm repeating superhuman over and over again.

BUS RIDES

2009-05-20T19:31:00.004+08:00

I really feel like complaining tonight because I am very angry with people I've met in the bus lately.

Okay.. I take 159 to and fro sch every single day and it's been two consecutive day that I have been met with such inconsiderate people.. Usually, the bus is often crowded with passengers and my morning rides are pleasant, maybe because I board the bus from the interchange and so often, I get to sit inside but the journey back home are damn irritating. Well you know how tiring it can be after a day of school and you tend to get annoyed by people's actions who are often so full of themselves and think they own the bus.

Scenario 1

I was damn tired because I had only slept for 3 hours the day before and I was practically dragging myself home. I boarded the bus and searched for a seat but there was only two empty seats left - one with an aunty and the other with an uncle. And as always, I headed to sit with a female if given a choice but this aunty literally told me off and demanded that I sat with the uncle instead and I don't know for what reason. I could hear her voice even with music in my ears! I didn't catch what she said though, just her jestures and her annoyed face. I was so embaressed because you know how old people tend to raise their voice and it embaressed me further because there was so many people on the bus. I looked back then and I saw the people around me staring at me, which made me feel WORSE! Well of course I didn't do anything because I didn't want to create a scene, so I really did head to sit with the uncle. I wanted to observe her but I was sitting in front listening to my MP3 after that. I wonder if there was anyone else in the bus who got scolded by her. She must have thought that she owned the bus or something like that. Tskk.

Scenario 2

Yes the bus was crowded again with only a few seats left but there was only one lady sitting with an empty seat beside her, the rest were guys. So I headed for her again and she gave me a WTF face. I thought it was the sun that made her wince her eyebrows but when she wanted to alight, she said excuse me in a very sarcastic way. Not only that, I stood up so that she had plenty of space to move out but she had to purposely/non-purposely stepped on my feet and DRAGGED HER FEET ON MINE! She did not even turn to look at what she had stepped on or even apologised for her actions! This time I wasn't lost in my world of music again and I heard her tone and words clearly. I felt like shouting but I held my breath. I spent the whole remaining time in the bus trying not to think of the pain she caused to my left foot or what I should have reacted. I was damn pissed I tell you. GRRR!!!

I wonder what is wrong with these people. They must have their own problems maybe but that's not an excuse to be inconsiderate or rude to others correct? I don't even do that to strangers when I'm feeling down. Are Singaporeans becoming more arrogant or crazier by the day? I seriously don't know. All I know is that if this happens again tomorrow, I'm really gonna scream in the bus! Okay maybe not. I wonder if I have one way or another offended them, but I didn't do anything wrong. I kept my space and didn't sit in the elderly(green) seats.

okay enuff about that! I got a small pressie from him! Hehe. I was so happy. :))

Nmpk tu? I've become darker again ever since school started. GERAM.

Dalah bye. I'm gonna complain to other ppl now. hehe. Night! :)

Muucch love.

I'm sick and tired of

2009-04-25T15:06:00.003+08:00

all these quarrels
pretending nothing is wrong with us.
trying to make things work.
leaving things hanging.
trying to believe I have made the right choice.
constantly having to go to sleep with unwanted thoughts and dreams.
waking up and think that today would be better for the both of us.
Most of all, I'm sick and tired of the fact that we have to go through this heartache each day.

Nothing we do seem to work. I'm trying to understand you here, but why aren't you understanding me? You know I love you. Please change. I don't want another break-up or let you go again, because I'm sick and tired of that too.

Why do we love and hurt at the same time? We were once happy.. VERY.

2009-04-24T22:42:00.004+08:00

It's friday night and here I am at home, playing facebook games which are starting to get very boring. My friends are at town now with their boyfriends and mine is working. nvm. I need rest anyway.. haha.

First week of sch was a mix of excitement and also stress. I couldn't seem to concentrate in class especially when it's about circuits! I hate circuits. I hated physics in sec sch, now I have to study physics-like things in poly too. I thought multimedia and infocomm didn't have anything to do with all these. :( Ouh I bet you guys wanna know if there are good looking ppl in my sch, well obviously there are, but I'm surprised because it's more than I had expected. I like the atmosphere and people there. They mind their own business and don't seem to be unfriendly at all. I still miss my ITE friends. they're very great ppl. Hopefully, I'll get to create a strong bond with my poly friends too. haha.

please please let me love my course!

This is a very old pic of us together at Tampines mall's toilet. lol. Sweetheart, you are cherished okay. And your blog post was very2 sweet. I really feel touched. I miss you too. The times when we used to meet each other almost every single day and you sleeping over at my place. You're like family. Remember you were there on my 16th bday helping with the preparations and all and being the first to come to my pit. And yeah, things may have strained abit but believe me, I'll always remember you. At times, I do feel insecure because you too have your own friends and I feel forgotten, but after your post, all the insecurites were gone. And you know whr to find me. Imma always be there for you, just that you have to tell me! haha. Remember what my dad said? We look like sisters and that is what i treat u as. :)

OK I'mma do other things now! Gd Friday night people! :D

2009-04-19T05:49:00.006+08:00

Hey people. Things have been going great for me now. Everything's going back to normal and I'm very2 happy. hehe. I'll be starting school tmr and I'm abit afraid. I made a few friends during orientation and they seem like a nice bunch. hehe. It's just that they are very different from my ITE friends, whom I miss dearly.. I've only found one smoking partner. :(

I really do hope my juorney in NYP will be a smooth one, because I really wanna graduate with a good diploma cert.

Ouh, and if you're wondering how my love life has been like...

YES. I've suffered enough and I feel like my old self once again. I don't care about what others wanna say about us or how stupid we are. I don't care about what his friends have to say about this. It's not them who are in love. My friends have been there supporting me all along and I am thankful for that. If you think about it, our love have been very strong throughout, and nothing, not even people can break us apart. He's the only one who can bring colour into my life. I just hope he's changing for good. Well, we never give up on love right? I'm not giving up on him, and I don't think I ever will. There has been times where I really felt like giving up, but something keeps stopping me from doing so in the end. The road has constantly been a U-turn for me. It's the challenges we have to face in love, or we will never learn. I believe no one is perfect but you can always make someone change.

I'm sorry if I have been giving you a hard time. You're my No. 1 remember? Always has been and always will be. :)

They're the greatest friends. Always there when I need them and in times of fun. Supporting and throughout very understanding. I couldn't ask for more. I LOVE YOU GIRLS BODOH! ;)

2009-04-03T06:50:00.002+08:00

Hey everyone.

Everything's been confusing for me for the last week. Unexpected things keep happening and I just don't know where to begin. Then again I dont feel like blogging about my issues bcos I don't think this is the right time to do so.. All I can say is that there are terrible mix of emotions going through me and questions I am still seeking for answers. Maybe one day, I'll tell you guys about it..

PS: Please stay strong okay.. Everything's gonna be just fine.. I hope you'll be there for your family because all of you need each other. The best I can do is to lend a shoulder to lean on because I am no one, but believe me.. I understand your pain completely. :(

2009-03-18T22:59:00.002+08:00

Tonight...

Will be the last night this pillow gets wet,
Will be the first night this girl grows stronger.
Will be the last night this heart aches,
Will be the first night this heart opens again.
Will be the last night she waits,
Will be the first night she shines.

When I think about all of this, it isn't worth it.. And I may have lost the best(you were then), but I believe there is better.. Because I realise that I have done nothing wrong but to try wake you up. Every lie you tell shall bounce back one day and I have slowly discovered each and every lie you have told. The truth always reveals itself.. And if I hadn't been out much, I would have thought that you were perfect and that I may not have understood you much.. I know.. That you're taking advantage of the fact that even after all of this, you thought I'd still be waiting but you're absolutely wrong. I'm getting better day by day.

I loved you too much this time round. It's been more than a month now and you're still so blinded. Maybe you'll realise all of this after today.. I have opened my eyes while yours are still closed. I hope my disappearance will bring you back to reality.. They are all just temporary. Twice is enough.. This heart has finally closed it's doors for you.. You have lost me today.

Take good care of yourself baby. I will miss you. Maybe not.

2009-03-13T10:39:00.002+08:00

I keep thinking of how things could/should have been. How much time and effort wasted in just a day's mistake.. It's too hurtful. I never imagined life without you. Well, maybe we've broken up a handful of times in these past three years but I've always had the advantage of having you around even though we're not together.. But now that you've turned away, I can feel the pinch of losing someone I have always loved. In this life of love, couples make mistakes time and again.. And why is that I am unforgivable for this one mistake whereas you have been forgiven 3 or more times. It's unfair to me, and to you. And is this love? Is a month not enough? There wasn't any third party involved, but it's still so hard for you to forgive. So you told me to move on.. But the tears and long pause. Why? Why think so much about what others have to say? Why think so much of your pride? Why let such a beautiful thing go? I am stupid.... hais. I've gotta stop thinking of you. I think I might be suffering short-term depression. Please don't mind me. Goodbye. This phase will pass by soon enough. Every phase does. All that's left are memories for us to keep for eternity or fade away, whichever comes first.. In a month, you told me you didn't love me anymore.. I just cannot believe it.

CLOTHES!!!!!!

2009-03-11T23:42:00.006+08:00

Hello babies! PLEASE DO CHECK THIS SITE OUT.

http://www.uptownavenue.blogspot.com/

These clothings are cusdom-designed by a friend's sister and these two are selling at very cheap prices! They're all uber pretty, I swear! If you seek unique-ness with style, don't hesitate anymore.

JUST CLICK ON THE LINK, QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.uptownavenue.blogspot.com/

This is not spam, its real. SUMPAH. hahahaha. :)

Smashed pieces, unhealed wounds.

2009-03-10T07:08:00.004+08:00

I've been very mean these past few days. And I've let all the guys in contact go and give up on me because of my unacceptable hostility. I'm sorry.. I just don't wanna play with people's feelings or give hope and this is the best way to let you know that I am seriously not interested in you. I've gotta open my heart, but I'm just too picky. Even my friends told me so. Well actually not too picky.. I seek character and personality. Age MATTERS too. I went out with this 30 year old guy and OMG I don't feel comfy one bit. I treated him like a brother but he mistook things and always pushed me too fast. Eh Hello, I'm not prepared to get married lah. And the rest of the guys are plain losers who need a medical check up on their big egos and thick skins. Well, maybe I'm just comparing and up till now, I could only find one who was better than the ex but it didn't turn out well. Maybe it's because I treat guys I don't like like shit, without giving them a chance. But actually not. I give all guys a chance, but then they always end up turning me off. REALLY. How shitty? Ignoring, criticising, rudeness, bluntness, basically everything evil u can find in the dict. I'm sorry. I just don't like you. And maybe that's the reason why my rships fail. It's because I'm too nice and easy to those whom I love and too hard and ignorant to those I'm not interested in. I've been trying to search for guy friends but they always think I'm 'into' them just because I accepted their offer to go out, but noo.. I'm not high-end, seriously. Maybe you're just not funny, sweet, charming, easy-going, friendly, cute, lovable enough? Maybe you're just too short, old, young, mat-ish, foolish, serious, desperate?

Wait.. Is it them, or is it just ME?

I think I've gone crazy.. I've NEVER gone out to places and sat down under an unknown block alone before in this entire life.. I went to take my medical report, old places which had memories, watched vids and viewed pics under the block all alone. And for the first time, I experienced the pain of loneliness. I felt lost and my mind wasn't in the right place. I ended up being too emotional and thought too much of the past. I wanted so much to cry but I forced myself to be strong because I don't want passer-bys to look at me, but it didn't help one bit. It only turned worse. Tears just rolled down even after much control. Finally called Marni and accompanied her to Mustafa Centre. I was still lost and still am now. I've gotta stop this, because it is the end. I have to move on.. But how can one move on when one still love? Okay STOP IT EKIN.

Maybe I just miss you too much. And maybe it's because I'm still in love that's why I overlook flaws and mistakes.. But I thought that was the way it should be. People make mistakes and you give them continuous chances hoping that they will change, but they end up taking advantage of everything and you're the one losing. ;'(

Can someone shine on me some light and take me out of this endless misery please? But don't turn me off okay? Promise? Good.

Bye.

2009-03-09T04:22:00.003+08:00

Things have been pretty hectic lately. And things have been really awful for me too. A lot of things have been happening in such a short time and I could hardly catch a breath. I just hope this obstacles will be solved asap. I want my old life back. I want my love life back. I want everything back, can I? I guess not. Thankfully, things are turning pretty all over again.. On the upside, mum bought me a new lappy for my school. Thanks mummy. I have been downloading things all day for my new comp and finally I'm done. Btw look out for exciting things to come. I'll tell you more about it later. Looks like things are returning to the way it should be except for one thing.

ps: I miss you. Wished you were there for me like you always were. I needed you. Its gonna be a month in 3 days. :(

2009-03-01T07:28:00.002+08:00

Parker by Automatic Loveletter (Thanks JY for recommending this band to me.)

I was your fire once
You thought of me as your one true love
I got so mad and said things that later I would
Regret and regret and regret
Holding onto my chest and pounding 'til it turns purple
A breaking bow and the sound of a scream muffled by pillows
So don't so long and don't farewell
Hear me out now
I've just begun to say
Parker
Do you remember
How I carried your heart
And I carried it far?
And I know that there's no one to blame
It's a sure given shame
Of my own that you don't remember
Sworn off blue lips
Kiss them warm
With love comes deep dark red and paper cuts
From letters I rewrite explaining how to fall in love
Well pictures inspire and songs never tire
And there's always clouds to float upon
Saving me best for last
Down for keeps up for grabs
We'll play stop and go
But it feels just like freeze tag
So I'll see you right
Applaud and encore
I'll be braver
Just you wait here 'til I say
Parker
Do you remember
How I carried your heart
And I carried it far?
And I know that there's no one to blame
It's a sure given shame of my own
I'm naked once so don't think twice
Hold on
It's hard enough to bite my shy
Hold on
Hold on
Hold tight

Everyone I needed was there by my side tonight. Still, I felt so empty and drowned. I'm still not over your smiles, jokes, laughter, love, smses in the morning;afternoon;evening;night, the kisses and hugs goodbye, the minor quarrels, the joyful and frustrated tears- everything. I can make myself move on anytime, but not just yet. Please tell me it's not the end, because I don't want to hear those words ever again. Come home baby, before it's too late. Please, let's just forget the past and start over a new chapter, because I don't want to do this alone. It may not seem simple, but it is. We've done our wrongs together this time, what else is there to show? Open your heart this one last time and embrace me. Don't run away from your fears, because you'll face it again one day. It's now or never.

Don't leave me just yet.. sigh. -__-,

2009-02-17T00:28:00.004+08:00

I called it sayang and it slept beside me.
KEMEKKKK(Marni's).
Cat aerobics champion.

These people will always be there(VDAY). :(

The unwilling/willing sacrifices and promises we've made under the stars, you had to throw and break them all away. I'm left with a very small piece of hope that somehow, happiness lies ahead in this road that has grown too cold and dark. And the agony of trying to get over it as soon as possible is tiring and terrifying, because I do not know what lies ahead. I don't need guidance. Just give me a few days and I will be okay. I've been through this many times, that I have somehow understood the definition of the term end.. Yes, I love you but what will become of us later after all the destruction we have caused to each other. "It's great to be in love, but heartbreak is two times worse." A wise friend consoled. Love is beautiful, but maybe, just maybe, I am not prepared for it yet. And maybe, I should have let go long ago but what lessons would I learn then? This emotional abuse is too much for me to handle this time round, but I'll be strong. I still have a very long way to go, and this isn't what I need for now.

The pillow's gonna get wet tonight.

BROKEN STRINGS

2009-02-13T02:57:00.004+08:00

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you,It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

2009-02-05T19:50:00.004+08:00

I've always wanted to see the best in everyone I meet. Maybe I was jealous at first, but not anymore because people have imperfections. I failed this once to see the good things about that person on first impression but after reading on, I found the answers to what made you so good to be true. You're like a mirror of me girl, but we're far different in so many ways. :)

I can see myself growing up quickly, too quickly. Maybe it's because I believe there are always lessons to be learnt and I never fail to open up to options and think everytime so that I can always end up with the best or second best..

Bride wars made me think of Seri. haha. I love you! And seven pounds is uber touching. Too many dramatic movies for a day. I feel like crying already.

Good thursday night people!

colourful life I've got here.

2009-02-04T06:25:00.006+08:00

I thought of perming my hair. And I hope this pic could somehow help you guys let me know which I look better in, because I am sick and tired of straight hair. Tskk. Please tag me abt this can?

Cakeless. (You know I know.) ;)

And.. I found out something I've been wanting to all these while today, and can't help but be surprised and smile at the same time about it. Haha. I feel so degraded, yet grateful. I was expecting better, well much better actually. I'm not trying to be rude or prove something here but HAHA to you. We were like "OMG I can't believe it siaaaaaaaa." I don't know. I'm happy for you anyways. Maybe the heart was what counts, but still, for a person like you..? lalala.......... You are sooo last season. I sound like a bitch now, don't I? haha.

OUH BTW TO MY DEAR ISR CLASSMATES, I AM SO GOING TO MISS YOU ALL ALOT AND WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER FORGET EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU OKAY. PLEASE DON'T BE STRANGERS TO ME IN THE NEAR FUTURE. THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! I DON'T KNOW IF I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION, BUT WISH ME THE BEST OF LUCK. I'LL SEE YOU GUYS IN POLY NEXT YEAR, INSYALLAH!

Hey there boyfriend.. If you're reading this, Just wanna tell you some things. I love you for seeing the best in me. Even though we have been thru too many ups and downs, I know you do appreciate me and will never betray me again after all these. And even though how much I hate you at times, you're my first true love and no matter how hard things can get and I feel like giving up on you at so many occasions, you're still there holding on strong, most of the time. Sometimes in life, we need to lose some people to appreciate the ones we have by our side all these while. It really did happen to me, and I've learnt my lesson, thoroughly. I'm not letting you go, not soon and hopefully never. Never betray me again or I'll kill you, and I mean it. HAHAHA.

P/S: I know I'm not as happy as I was, But I'm still happy. For now, at least. I told you it's hard figuring me out! I'm gonna sleep right now. it's 7 20 in the morning already!
Muah!
I love you all! Thanks for making me famous! *bends down in approval* hahaha. Berangan famous aku pagi2 ni!
:)

2009-02-01T17:07:00.004+08:00

Great news! I'm an official NYP student under multimedia and infocomm. :)
Bad news, I got debarred from sitting in any of my exams in ITE and I've decided to quit school. Sedih kan. Nvm. I'll miss the friends I've made here in ITE most. The ladies of ISR I have grown to love over the months. The guys that have always been so crazy and fun. Everything. I'm gonna miss EVERYONE in the pics above. :(

Yesterday, we were supposed to go City Alive but didn't in the end because there wasn't many going and everyone was out of cash. Tssk. We ended up going prawning at Punggol Marina. It was fun at first but then it got irritating because none of the prawns wanted to eat and in 3 hours, we only caught 4 prawns. Haha. It was a waste of time really. Maybe because there were too many people prawning which made the prawns scared or too full. I'm not sure. But I would like to try it again. And for the first time in my life, I caught a prawn by myself! I was so excited. lol. Something really really really funny happened yesterday. Before posting this, I had to seek approval from the victim first because it was a damn embaressing encounter for her. Hahaha. okay3. One of my loved gf was trying to help us search for prawns in the pond... she squated on the parapet or I don't know what's that called, and then she pointed out to one of the prawns. Suddenly, she lost control of herself and slipped right into the pond! We all tried to help her but there wasn't enough time. lol! Everyone there saw the whole thing but luckily not many laughed. I as her true friend, laughed right in her face because it's very rare to see her so clumsy. hahahaha. Something for us to laugh about over the next few years. okay da bye.

2009-01-29T16:46:00.005+08:00

You know, even though how hard you try to read me, you'll never know what I'm really thinking unless I tell you.
I'm neither good at showing my feelings, nor even hiding them.
I think too much at times because I can never come up with answers.
My feelings and thoughts change everyday.
I tend to speak and think alot with my mind more than my heart.
I tell people off if I don't like their actions, only if I really care about them.
I hurt people more than they have hurt me.
I call people idiots because I love them.
I let my own mistakes beat me up too much, all the time.
I wrong myself even when I'm right.
I'm not easy but I'm not that hard.
I may show that I'm interested, but the fact is I'm not.
I may tell you things, but that doesn't mean I trust you.

I'm diffident, but I tend to show the opposite most of the time.

So DON'T ever once in your own fucked up life, make assumptions about me, because the fact is you do not know me at all.

Shopping cum Handphone.

2009-01-25T02:23:00.004+08:00

Went to town with my sister to accompany her do her monthly shopping. She's like a new found Taitai. haha. We went out at 1pm and our first destination was Takashimaya butt we ended up at Wisma instead. Went to Mango where my sister bought 2 pairs of jeans and 2 blouses. Afterwhich, we headed down to cotton on body to get ehem2. We spent quite a lot there, my sister actually. hahaha. Bought a new set for myself which I liked very much. thank you sister. After all that shopping and walking in and out of shops, we settled at starbucks to get refreshments while we waited for dear mommy to end work. Mom shocked me by inviting me to go to Starhub at Plaza Singapura. When we arrived, the CSO told us that there wasn't anymore black in stock for the particular phone I wanted and that we had to go to Vivo if we wanted it. Wth. We had to rush down to Vivo then. I told mom there wasn't a need to get the phone today but she insisted, saying that she had promised. Awww. How sweet kan?

Okay.. so finally, after much patience and I mean real patience; This was supposed to be given to me on my birthday- I got my C905!! 8.1 megapixel okay! I can now capture images and see your pimples clearly! hahahahaha. I love you mom! :D

Jealous kan?! CAKAP JEALOUS SEKARANG. haha. :)

Pictures from 16th January

2009-01-21T14:14:00.006+08:00

there's a lot more. But I'm just lazy. goodbye.

Highlights

2009-01-13T05:20:00.002+08:00

Good news: I passed my O's(alhamdulillah). :D
Bad news: I don't know where to go. -__-,

I finally passed my science surprisingly, because I didn't study much. I jumped from a C6 to a B3 in my English, something I am quite proud of right now. I've been jumping around all day because I feel so good. And i really did jump around in circles. Haha. I'm so delighted that I can get into poly!! A year was wasted, how could I possibly miss this big opportunity now? I can soon confidently tell people that I'm in poly instead of ITE.

But then... I still can't apply for alot of courses which I want in Poly. The biggest factor that's holding me back is that I love the course I'm doing now which I am doing pretty well in and the fabulous friend's I've made. I can't get into most business courses in Poly as they are wayyy out of my league. Help. I'm afraid I'd make the wrong decision. Either way has it's own opportunities and threats, strengths and weaknesses. :(

10 things i hate about you.

2009-01-04T23:05:00.001+08:00

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you kiss,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb smile,
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when youre not around,
and the fact that you didn't call.
but mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,
not even close,
not even a little,
not even at all...

Sad movie.

2009-01-03T18:11:00.004+08:00

Siloso beach party was great. Absolutely great because for once, most of my beloved ones were there. Chez and Shida could have been there too, but due to individual reasons, they couldn't come. If you realise, the people you see on my pics are limited and the same. It doesn't mean we don't have many friends. It's just that we are wary and trust very little. You know how many social issues you have to handle if you have too many friends. Our social circle is open for everyone to get near but hardly close. :)
The music was the worst. All was played were old songs, but my friends and I knew how to rock a partyyyy. haha. Seriously, I wouldn't wanna go there again next year. First and the last. We'll go somewhere with better music I hope. haha. Anyway, HAPPY 2009 PEOPLE. This is my 18th year. Looking forward to being 18 which is like 11 more months from today! HAHAHA.

Just when I thought things were starting to get better, it crashed down into hell. It became worse. Life's like shit.

2008-12-31T15:10:00.005+08:00

In a few hours time, 2008 will officially be over. I've made so much memories for myself this year, but it's time to put them all behind and look forward into the future. I'm going to party tonight, and it'll be at Siloso! Can't wait. It's a pity Bf can't be there. I'm sorry, for 2008. It's been hard for the both of us. :(

2008-12-30T15:00:00.002+08:00

I get very very very angry so easily nowadays especially this month. I hope this phase pass by really really really soon. I've let my anger control me too many times already and it's getting worse. I'm not like this and I never wanted to be this way.

HELP.

Final letters of regret

2008-12-26T21:57:00.010+08:00

Flashbacks..
Memories..
Remembrance..
Traces..
Thoughts..
Love..
Portraits..
Happiness..
Commitment..
Dedication..
Sincerity..
Faith..
Power..
Chemistry..
Longing..
Pain..

US.

I gotta erase all of them fast. Because I don't deserve all these. So do you. I'll drown them all into the ocean if I could, but I know I this heart doesn't have the ability to do that; only time does.
I pray that she's right for you because I know you are a good man of deservance, deep down inside. I believe that you're loyal and faithful, just that I didn't realise it soon enough. I just hope you will not cause much hurt to her as what you have done to me. She deserves the best of you.
This heart will only open once to you. Never again, because all we had is broken like shattered glass. And if you happen to cross the same streets, and do the same things, remember that I was with you there once. I was embracing you at those very places once. I remember you once told me that it doesn't matter about how much time we spend, but how much happiness we share. Well, you indeed brought happiness back into my life at that time. Maybe that's the reason for my resistance to let go. Undoubtly, you're one of the greatest gift I got yet the biggest mistake I made. I shouldn't have played games in the first place, because I was the one who ended up getting played when I was really serious. Look's like God loves you more. It doesn't matter. I believe that every bitter encounter will lead to happiness, which is so happening right now. I've learnt my lesson. Just watch me. I'll pick myself up fully soon enough.

You'll always see dry eyes even when this heart is bleeding. =)

2008-12-20T23:24:00.009+08:00

Before I start, I'd like to make a special shout-out to a beloved one.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST WEI QING.
I LOVE YOU SOOOOO VERY MUCH. YOU'RE SUCH A GREAT FRIEND. SO UNDERSTANDING AND SO KIND. MAY YOU BE BLESSED ALWAYS. MUACKS! :)

I'm back!

Sorry for the very late update. Been working at the Central for three days straight now. A week to go and I'll be done. Very very long hours but its not really tiring. Most of the time spent there is slacking till our butts and everything else hurt due to excessive hours of sitting down. Made new friends. Nice environment to be in. I like the people and everything else there. What more can I ask for?

Chalet.

Was great. Almost everything went smoothly. It was a mixture of extreme highs and lows I must add. Especially for the part where I lost my temper due to a lot of reasons and for holding back too long. I'm sorry loved ones. I couldn't control myself especially after being a lil tipsy. Seri and Wei Qing knows everything. haha. Other than that, it was perfect. I couldn't find time to get a dress so I had to wear what I had. There was a lot of dancing, and a whole lot more of laughing. Ultimate party of the year, I must say. It's damn huge and affordable with three bedrooms and four toilets. lol. The kitchen was designed like a bar. Coolest shit. But it was so dirty and not very attractive. We had to sweep the whole chalet. I didn't capture much pics 'cos most of the time I was enjoying myself too much I totally forgot about it. haha. Sorry for the not so awesome pics.

HAPPY BELATED 18TH BIRTHDAY MARNI. DA KAKAK KAKAK. :)

My two babies, Hafiz and Kiara, the cutest being on earth.

Still the best among the rest. :) Seri love.

Wei Qing love.

Love them all. :)

In the past few weeks, I feel like I've grown a lot.
I've learnt not to hate even when it hurts.
I've learnt to put others before self.
I've learnt to consider everyone else's feeling first before acting on revenge.
I've learnt not to hold grudges even when it's unfair.
I've learnt that what goes around comes around, therefore it's best to be patient.
I've learnt that god will never give you something you are not ready to handle.
I've learnt that not all you want will be all that you will get.

I've learnt that people don't always mean what they say, so it's best not to say anything at all.

I've learnt that life's always about continuous heartbreaks before you find the right one.

I've learnt that you can never be perfect for someone.

I've learnt that just trying is better than trying too hard.

I've learnt that it's better not to chase rainbows.

I've learnt that first impressions last a lifetime.

I've learnt that following your heart doesn't always promise happiness.

I've learnt that life is about taking the right risks.

I've learnt that it's better to be loved than to love.

I've learnt that you cannot force another to love.

I've learnt that letting go is a part of healing.

I've learnt that crying helps but crying too much sucks.
I've learnt that you need to cry first before you can appreciate what you have.
I've learnt that not everyone can be easily trusted.
I've learnt that one can never let anyone step over their heads.
I've learnt that true friends will only stab you in the front.
I've learnt that some things, you'll have to keep to yourself due to fear of misjudgement.
I've learnt that you need to forgive because you love.
And I've learnt that... I have the greatest people beside me.

Last but not least.
Seri, thank you for welcoming me back. lol. Though I'm still a little lost about what you're welcoming me back for. But still, thank you dear. And you're my ONE AND ONLY WHORE. Remember that. Whatever it is, I'll love and protect you as much as I can. Because you have done so much for me. You understand me most. Even when I'm at my worst, you're still there standing right beside and know how to console me best. And yes, if I could throw chairs around because I lost something precious, I'd prolly turn crazy and jump down from the highest building in Singapore if I were to lose you. You're family. Everyone in the pictures above is.

P.S: You're gonna be okay, Fuzz. Be strong. I'm not good at consoling, but I know how hard it is for you. Everything happens for a reason. I must admit, this has been a very bad month for everyone. Things will get better. Time heals everything. They're at a better place now. :)

Goodnight people. I need to get some rest.

2008-12-13T12:58:00.002+08:00

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR MONDAY.

Let's party like rockstars, pornstars(NO STRIPPING PLEASE), superstars, whatever.
Hope all goes well. I'll be back on Wed people. Wait for my update! Awesome pictures to be shown. Haha.

Anyway, everything's going smoothly. I'm okay, we're okay, everyone's okay. I love Decembers! It's the time for you let go of every hurtful, haunting, and disappointing past and move forward into the future. It's also time for you to enjoyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,relax, party, and perform orgies. Looks like it's not going to be a cold December after all. Screw you. :)

Muah muah!

2008-12-07T03:37:00.003+08:00

You're so gay.

Wei qing called to tell me the most shocking news of the week today. And I could only try to stop myself from feeling the already major heartache any further. All these things happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. I feel betrayed. But I won't blame you. Marni's dream turned out right once again and I saw it coming, but I just didn't want to think about it. I should have listened to you long ago Marni. I should have.

P.S.: I told you I wasn't stupid. There's always a reason for everything.

2008-12-06T11:42:00.002+08:00

no use crying over spilled milk. It's over.
Thanks friends, for being there for me.
and thanks to those who have wished me happy birthday, and everything else.
I really do appreciate it.

2008-12-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy 17th birthday to me.
:)

2008-12-02T18:37:00.002+08:00

A few more hours to my birthday and sadly, I'm feeling down instead of excited. You don't have to know why, I just do.. Hopefully, things will get better soon. Shit always happens before ones' birthday, especially mine. 3 years in a row now. 3 fucking years. Goodbye.

About my sister

2008-11-28T23:13:00.003+08:00

I.A.M.S.O.F.U.C.K.I.N.G.B.O.R.E.D.
It's Friday night and here I am stuck at home because it's meet the in-laws session. I can't believe my sister is going to get engaged. I can still remember that she was in Sec 1 and I was in Pri 1. And then the numbers stopped increasing when I entered Pri 6. (I'm talking crap now, don't mind me.) Can you see how much we've grown? The late night talks under the covers, the movie-marathons, the sisterly dates, the cat fights. Basically everything. And even though I feel like throwing papayas at her face at times, I can't deny that I love her very much. She's always been standing right behind me, supporting me in everything I did, righting me from wrong, giving meaningful advices, protecting me from any harm and pain, teaching me both good and bad stuffs and alot more. She's gone through her fair share of painful 5 year relationshipS(take note. It's plural.) which went nowhere break-ups before this, and like finally(where have you been?!!!), a knight in shining armour comes along with his horse and sword saving my sister from her world of bitterness, taking her to paradise. AWWWWW. Typical love story, I know you're saying that right now. BUTBUT she's my sister. So it's not typical at all.

I AM SO TALKING BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW. I NEED TO GET SOME SLEEEEEEP! MY BRAIN IS MALFUNCTIONING.

Im soo very happy for you dear sister. I feel like crying already.
Finally, you've found someone good whom the whole family agree on. All the best. Insya'allah, this will be you last heartbreak. I'm all open arms to welcome you into the family, Abg Zaki(I'm not going to actually do that). I'm confident that you can give happiness to my sister. ouh whatever. He's not going to read this anyway.

"Can I get engaged too, mum?" I giggled with a super broad smile.

"Banyak cantik muka dia!" and she gave me a subtle pinch, lovingly though.

-_-'''''

BYE.
:)

2008-11-27T19:39:00.004+08:00

Exams and projects due tomorrow and next week. I am starting to feel the pressure. ARGH.
I keep getting opportunities to model.
Its been 3 times this month that someone came up to me to model for them; Toni & Guy, Imodels, and CreateTalents. We all know about Create Talents. I can't count how many times those China people came up to me. Bullshit. I don't know about Imodels though. I went for Toni & Guy. It's basically the launch of new hairstyles or something like that and such an exciting experience. Won't show you the rest of the pictures. MALU. Furthermore, my hair wasn't nice at all. lol. I know, I know. Don't laugh. -___-''
I've been thinking. I do not have the looks nor the figure, so why me? I feel like a fool if you were to compare me with other models, whatmore international ones. It's really making me turn as vain as ever. I can't help but look at the mirror each time and laugh at myself if I did believe I am that pretty. But I can't wait to colour my hair. Any ideas people?

To that special someone:
Oh my life
Is changing everyday
In every possible way
And Oh my dreams
It's never quiet as it seems
Never quiet as it seems
I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be
La
I want more (impossible to ignore)
I want more (impossible to ignore)
And they'll come true (impossible not to do)
And they'll come true (impossible not to do)
And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me
Dreams by Cranberries.
:)

2008-11-20T18:50:00.002+08:00

I LOVE THE BOTH OF THEM. :)
Went to town on that day, and got caught by NEA for throwing my cigg butt on the floor. WTF.
And the saddest part was that only two out of four were caught. Hopefully nothing happens though. I so felt like kicking that guy's ass. Stupid bald-headed pumpkin fagot. pfft.
I've so many pics I want to upload in such little time! Marni's been complaining that I've been too emo-ish. so here I am blogging pictures happily. hahaha. MARNI! SEE. :) I'm gonna stop here.
OK bye.

2008-11-08T16:58:00.001+08:00

Ikah

Zanne

Sharin, Hanie, me, Ikah

Seri

Finally! Pics I've been wanting to upload for a long time.
Class ISR 2008 :)

2008-11-05T15:49:00.005+08:00

Slowly giving up on you.

Because things and feelings

Are not the same anymore.

And I somehow wish

I could reel you back in

Because you're almost gone

In these eyes of mine.

And I wonder if It's me or you.

Have faith, because whoever is of little faith is also of little love.

Dedicated to you

2008-10-31T13:33:00.005+08:00

I wanna to be your pillow that protects you when you fall,
your little piece of heaven,
your sunshine above the rain and most importantly,
your only one.
Because you're the sweetest thing. :)

2008-10-27T19:06:00.005+08:00

Who is hotter? Jessica Alba or Angelina Jolie?

ANGELINA JOLIE IS THE BEST AND HOTTEST ACTRESS I'VE SEEN.
She's far different from Jessica Alba is you ask me. She has the attitude and personality Jessica doesn't. It's not that I hate Jessica Alba. I love her just like anybody else does and I admit that she's the dream girl guys would want to bring to bed but if you think about it, Jessica is the same old sweet girl in almost every film she acts in, and it's really boring. Apart from Jessica's hot figure and sweet looks, she's nothing extraordinary. Whereas Angelina is like WOAHHH. You can never expect anything. If you don't believe me, go watch Gia(not for amateurs actually). It's a bit boring, but still, you can really see how professional she is. Not many would want to be in the role she was in. She's an idol, only with tattoos. But that doesn't matter much. Sad thing she's old or she would have been the craze.

2008-10-23T22:51:00.004+08:00

I get jealous everytime I see all my close friends so happily attached. ALL. Yeah, it hurts. Please give me strength to get through this because I'm getting weaker by the day. :(

ouh fuck it.

Sahajaku berkata
Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
Sudahlah lepaskan semua
Ku yakin inilah waktunya
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Dan mungkin bila nanti
Kita kan bertemu lagi
Satu pintaku jangan kau coba
Tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin
Saat semua di sini

Dan bila hatimu termenung
Bangun dari mimpi-mimpimu
Membuka hatimu yang dulu
Cerita saat bersamaku
Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi
Simpan untukmu sendiri
Semua sesal yang kau cari
Semua rasa yang kau beri

2008-10-19T13:17:00.006+08:00

I realise that going back to your ex is somehow impossible.

Impossible to be as happy as you were before.

Impossible to forget all damage done.

Impossible to start afresh.

It just makes things worse, especially if you are not willing to forget the past. There will be a lot of random times that you will argue over the past, the reason why he/she left in the first place and it hurts both. Especially when you have gone to other people during the short break-up. Sigh.

It's not about love anymore, actually. True, if you love someone, you're willing to accept the mistakes they've done. But what if, they crossed your lines? They went over your limit on how much pain you can still bear? And how could you ever trust them like you did before? There's really no point proving how worthy they are for a second chance anymore. They waste the relationship for another person, and they want to come back because they can't forget the one they left. Wasn't it them who were showing that they wanted to move on in the first place? And it's as simple as that huh. They broke up with A, went with B,C,D then after getting bored, they get back together with A. Yucky, I know. So what are we to you? Dolls? Computers? Dogs? Even owners know how to treat their dogs right.

I don't know. It really depends on the individual. I've seen couples who have given each other a chance, and they are still happy. Like the saying goes, "You have to let the past go to embrace the future." Think about which you want to let go and think hard because it's not as simple as a mathematical equation. The mistake one has done, or one. It's hard, but you have to choose one and don't look back. If you do choose to forgive and forget, really do it without thinking of revenge or in easier terms, "He/she can do that to me, I can too".

But seriously, IN MY OPINION, I don't believe in giving them a chance, because they will do it again even though they've tried very hard to win your heart back. Not now but in a year's time or sooner. Another big fight and they'll run awayyyy. And the reason is because you have accepted them for their mistakes so easily, they know you'll accept them again next time. Trust me. That's why I chose to leave. It's time to move on. okay bye.

"Love makes the world go round". Ironic, isn't it?

2008-10-14T16:26:00.002+08:00

I'm tired, stressed out and sick. All I want to do now is to lie down and sleep till the next morning. 2 more days to science practical exams. yeah. I guess I'll just sit for it and pretend I know how to do everything when I don't. lol. Wish me luck.

2008-10-13T18:04:00.002+08:00

All i can say is that I'm sorry for turning my back on you. Would I regret one day? I don't know yet, but right now, I have to follow my heart. That's all that matters to me.

moving on....
I came across this bulletin. VERY FUNNY. I laughed alone in my room when I read this. Have fun reading!*

TIPS UNTUK MENGELAK DARI MALU KLU TERJATUH..

1. Kalau terjatuh tersepak batu: Jgn terus bangun, sebaliknya anda
baring dan terus berguling-guling hingga jauh dari perhatian ramai.
Lepas tu baru bangun bila takde orang nampak.

2. Kalau terjatuh basikal: Cepat2 naik basikal anda semula dan jatuhla
lagi sehingga berkali-kali supaya orang ingat anda saje-saje buat
lawak.

3. Kalau terjatuh tangga: terus bersilat seolah-olah anda dirasuk atau
sedang berlawan dengan makhluk halus.

4. Kalau terjatuh dalam longkang: pungutlah sampah yang ada sambil
marah-marah dgn suara yag kuat, pasti orang menyangka anda seorang
yang amat prihatin terhadap kebersihan.

5. Kalau jatuh ketika nak naik bas: jeritlah kuat2. "Oi! Apa tolak2
ni?" walaupun tiada orang di belakang anda.

6. Kalau terjatuh di depan bus stop: terus buat-buat pengsan sehingga
ada orang membantu.

*sorry, to those who can't read or understand malay.
Super random I know. hee. :)

2008-10-08T03:02:00.004+08:00

I swear it's killing me. It amazes me somehow about what some people can do to make a lot of difference in my life in such little time. And someone I barely know can bring so much joy and pain. My mind is telling me to run but my heart is holding back from moving forward. And I know that I've been lying to myself alot these past few days. I just don't know what's right anymore.
I heard this once,"You are the only one who can create your own happy ending." Things happen unexpectedly and it's too late to take a chance. I chose this road. There's no turning back because a hole has been created. I'll have to deal with that fact. Yes, for the umpteenth
time, I had to let that chance pass by me.

"It's better to be loved, than to love."
Uncertainty got the best of me.

2008-10-02T17:04:00.003+08:00

Cousin-PIMP.

Ayu. :)

Baju Raya.

Cousin, Sis, Adik.

He Likes it.

Us again.

Ouh what a celebration! Finally had time to catch up with all of them. There are more cousins but I didn't manage to snap pics of them. And I should have!! hehe. Ate ketupat three times yesterday. I hope I'll grow fatter. Please2. I managed to succeed in socialising with most of my cousins. I haven't been this talkative to them since I don't know when. Haha. I missed them.
Anyhoooo, I wanna go Jalan Raya with my friends! Please make yourselves free soon because I'm already free starting from today! haha.
ATTENTION PEOPLE.
Saturday's my open house, so feel free to come. If you're planning to come,
just contact me yeah? I'm afraid I would not have time to entertain you guys on other days.
I'll be out or maybe studying. :)

Hari Raya

2008-09-30T15:27:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's supposed to be the biggest celebration for all muslims. I haven't been a good girl. I don't even deserve to celebrate actually. lol. But I'd like to take this time to wish everyone a happy Hari Raya. Forgive my sins okay ppl if I have intentionally or unintentionally hurt your feelings or have done something wrong. hehe.

Let's enjoyyyyy, get fat and get rich for a month!

Much love. :)

2008-09-29T05:11:00.006+08:00

Should i give my heart to you,
would you throw it away?
Should I plant a kiss on you,
would you forget about it the next day?

Love makes the time pass.
Will time make our love pass?

Not for the umpteenth time, please.

PLAYERS

2008-09-24T19:44:00.004+08:00

There is and always has been one thing players have in common; SWEET-TALKING.
It doesn't really matter about the sex, gender or age even. If you're a sweet-talker, you're most prolly a playa. So why is it that they're like that? Here's my perception........

`1st.
They're good-looking.
They fucking know that they're good looking and that they can get many suitors, so why bother being serious when you can have all of them at a time? Everday's a different date, a different experience, a different person. They think they can charm their ways through which most prolly works because in general, people are always blinded by beauty. And the fact is that I'm not an exception either sometimes.

`2nd
They can never get enough.
With so many people chasing after you, it builds up your ego. Let me give you an example; A get alot of guys/girls. A gets a gorgeous guy/girl(hottest of them all already! What more do you want??!), but chooses to search for someone who is basically hotter. IT WILL NEVER END. You continuously searching for someone better will never end unless you look like Joe Jonas(OMG!!), that would be fine but then again..Sigh. Everyone is unique in their own way, so why the fuck do you have to go and search for someone else who is more charismatic, more fun or whatever?

`3rd
They judge too much on the 1st impression.
Okay... So u're attracted to this girl/guy, but you found out that she/he is BORING. And it's only your first date with him/her. So what happened to those late night talks you enjoyed so much with him/her before the both of you agreed to meet up? You say sugar candy words EVEN BEFORE THE BOTH OF YOU MEET to make that person fall for you, but you're not even interested actually. Maybe it's because you care too much about yourself or that your mother did not breast-feed you much? You never seem to want to get to know the person better. Maybe that person is just shy or whatever reason. It isn't their loss. It's yours, loser.

`4th
They've been hurt too much.
Aww.. That's a pity. So ten people ditched you in the past,and you think you want to hurt someone else who is not in the wrong or may have no intention to hurt you in the first place. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You sweet-talk(here it comes again) your way through someone's heart, mainly because of revenge towards the opposite sex, and leave that person hanging after making her/him like or maybe even love you. You'll never know if that person was actually the best for you. And you throw the chance of finding happiness away just like that.

`5th
Something is wrong with their head.
You're not attractive, stupid, fat, irrittating, etc.(no offence, really) And you think that by sweet-talking, telling them you're handsome when you're not, you'll get into their skirts. STUPID GIRLS FOR YOU PLEASE. If you don't have it, hide it. Not flaunt it sucker. C'mon, be yourself, will you? You'll just chase them away and let everyone else criticise you behind your back. I'm not saying that pretty girls ONLY date handsome guys, but yeah... You get my point right? I'm sure someone will love you for who you are. You don't have to be someone you're not. You're just hiding all the best things about you by doing so.

`6th
They just want to have fun.
You go around telling people that you got laid by this super duper HOT person yesterday night, bla3. WOW. It really makes your friends "dig" you for having gone to that extent on the 1st date. Well, we can't blame these people huh. Maybe because of social issues or something? Let them have all the fun they can, and then maybe they'll settle down some day. OR maybe not. It's okay to have fun when you're young, just don't do it to someone who is nice and decent. Do it with someone who is just like you, will you? And those virgins. You wasted their youth for a night you thought was fun with your charming smile and sweet talks(again!!!)? You're turning them into fucking playas as well. Most people(not only girls) don't say it, but deep down inside, we know that our virginity is important to us. And if we lose it to someone not worthy(especially players who don't give a damn), we in turn feel wasted and turn into playas ourselves. WHERE IS YOUR HEART? :'(

`7th
Players go for players.
HAHAHA. Taste your own medicine shit-face. The both of you may never settle down. And yes, you're gonna cheat on each other's backs, but what for? STAY SINGLE THEN, STUPID. Relationships are about building trust and loyalty, not playing around or to show people that you have a hot Bf/Gf. You end up breaking up, hating each other, bla3, and it goes on. So you want that kind of life huh? Imagine youself telling your future husband/wife that you had sex with more than 30 people. DAMN. Such a waste, don't you think so?

`8th
They have their own reasons.
There are many reasons but one of the main reason is this. Maybe becoming a player when you're young, you'll settle down when you grow up. Because life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest right? I really have nothing against that, really. It's alright to taste Nasi Lemak, Lamb Chop, Tim Sum or Roti Prata before you choose to settle with the best. I've seen many do that and they have been married happily ever after. Just have your limits will you? When you're changing flavors, one mught get hurt along the way. Remember that what goes around comes around. Two can play the same game. You might eventually bite your own tail, or should I say toe?

I've run out of reasons to hate them therefore I'm stopping at favourite no. 8.

So my ladies & men, If you're a playa, search only for playas who wouldn't care less. Do not hurt someone innocent, PLEASE. If you want to settle down, seach for someone who is loyal and doesn't sweet talk much. Sweet talking is actually good, but only if it comes from your heart. Maybe that's one of the many reasons why people choose to turn gay/lesbain(and we all know that these people are usually good-looking).

Just don't be stupid to fall for sweet-talks easily, because I'm afraid you'll get hurt.
I just want fairness.

Where is the love? :(

2008-09-22T18:22:00.002+08:00

I seriously need to go shopping BADLY.
I'm running out of clothes to wear.
I'm running out on jeans thanks to mother having burnt two of my jeans. -__-''
I'm running out on dresses, not that i have many to begin with. But i need dresses!
Damn. Any sugardaddies? lol.
I don't want to ask my mum for money since Hari Raya is coming up.
Is there any way I can earn big money fast?
sheesh. Maybe I should start getting a Part-time Job but that's the sacrifice I have to make for O levels. NVM. A month to go and I'm done.
And yes, I'm not even halfway through in revising. ARGHH.
:S

On the brighter side, I can get money during Hari Raya. YAYness. I hope I get a thousand dollars. WTH.
Let's go shopping soon ok Seri? Wei Qing? Marni? haha. :p

2008-09-19T04:29:00.003+08:00

If only these steps I take will always lead me towards the right direction every time.
I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over again.
Life continuously puts me down and brings me up.
I am not ready for all these.
I am not ready.
Shouldn't I be carefree?
sigh.
It's okay.
I'll continue to put on a fake smile
till I find true happiness again.

The problem is now, whether I should wait or search for it.
Because I'm tired of both.
Press rewind please.

2008-09-14T16:56:00.002+08:00

Went to town on Fri. Had a blast! Bumped into Linda, Damn she's gettin BIG. hahaahahahah!

Tai2 huh linda, ure always full of things. that's why we love you. heh.

High on cloud twenty one.

:)
:)

2008-09-10T05:01:00.004+08:00

HELLO HOLIDAYS!
I so feel like enjoying myself right now but I have to remind myself to stay rooted or else I will stray. O levels, dun despair me once more. All I want is to be a better person so that I can prove those fuckers that I'm not the average girl. But to think again, I'm not. All of us aren't. So why the hell do we still need to prove aye? We're all so unique, in our own way. I have yet to find out mine. People make mistakes. We just have to learn from them. Repeating them is not good I tell ya! haha. ;)

We meet different people everyday but not everyone can open your heart towards new directions.
And I wonder why, out of so many people, YOU had to be different in so many ways.
Just like the song Blue and Yellow-
You were like a magnet drawing me towards your waves, only to find out that we're total opposites. Or should i say too alike? You just have to learn to give it up when the time comes.

family love

2008-09-07T14:47:00.006+08:00

My lovely parents.

the ladies of the family. ouh.

that lil girl is my Sis's.

Happy Birthday Dad.

Love you.

Sabrina, me, my eldest sis.

dun mind my face. LOL!
we were having fun I tell you!

I love taking pictures.Not portraits of scenery or whatever. Just me and my loved ones. I just realised I have tonnes of albums with frens and all. but sadly, I don't take much pictures with those whom I love most-my family. I don't know why. Maybe due to the reason that we don't spend much time together. Or maybe because whenever there's a family bonding session going on which is very rare, we're always at home. what's there to take right? the house? hhmm. It was only on my daddy's birthday that we managed to grab some pictures on 31st July. There. Now the world can see how my parents and siblings look like. hehe.

2008-09-06T18:35:00.005+08:00

Went to Marni's house yesterday. Movie-marathoned all the way with Isa and Seri. Syed, Shida and Suhail came in the morning. Played Monopoly and cards after we grew tired of watchin movies. lol it was damn funny. They kept playin this game to see who did this and that and who liked who and all. I felt abit awkward because there were three couples there and I was the only one without a companion. But what the heck, I've grown used to these kind of things. I had this conversation yesterday with someone. damn funny.

someone: can you send me a pic of urself?
Me: for?
Someone: so i could send to santa so he knows what i want for christmas
Me: hahaha sweet talker.
Someone: cheesy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone: hahahaha
Someone: =]

And another one with me coming in green envelopes during hari raya. lol.

I wonder where this fella get these kind of lines from. internet prolly? lol. Its sweet though, somehow. nahh.. its too obvious its all plain lies.
okay byeeee!

2008-08-29T04:47:00.003+08:00

Keep moving mountains. Maybe you'll get there some day.

Maybe.

2008-08-27T21:05:00.003+08:00

Do you find it extremely weird when both souls throw glances at each other at the very same moment, almost every time? You can't even stare silently or even blankly, because that person is looking straight into your eyes each time you turn your head even for a second and then both of you quickly turn your heads away stupidly, hoping that the other party will not realise that you were looking in the very first place. And we silently wonder what the other party might be thinking at that very moment. Call it coincidence? I don't think so. We're just finding ways and directions to waste our times, prolly. Ouh whatever.

It will pass us by soon enough.

Copied from friendster on the first featured friend

2008-08-13T17:41:00.003+08:00

1) What's his/her full name?
~ Nur Seriastrini Bte Rosli

2) Does he or she have a bf/gf?
~ Hell yeah. They've been together since 18/07/07

3) Do you know a secret about him/her?
~ HAHAHA. TOO MUCH!

4) How old is the person?
~ seven-teennn.

5) Has he/she ever cooked for you?
~ Err. yeah. hehe.

6) Is this person older than you?
~ Yes, by 5 Months.

8) When was the last time you thought
about him/her?
~ HAHA. LIKE NOW???

9) Are you related to this person?
~ Sadly, no. but its better. ;)

10) Are you really close to him/her?
~ What do you think?

11) Do you have a nickname for each
other?
~ MY BITCH.

13)How many times do you talk to this
person in a week?
~ Randomly. We call each other when we feel like it.

14) Do you think she/he will repost this?
~ Not sure.haha.

15) Could you live with this person?
~ If we could. heh.

16) Why is this person your number 1?
~ Bcoz she's the only one who noes me inside out, upside down and she's done too many uncountable things for me.

18) How long have you known this person?
~ Errmm... 7 yrs!

19) Have you ever been to the mall with this person?
~ We're girls! That's what we do best rite?

20) Have you ever had a sleep over with them?
~ HAHAHA. yes! The most chaotic nites were with her.

21) If you ever moved away would you miss this person?
~ Of coz. So it means she'll have to move with me too. lol.

22) Have you ever given this person something?
~ Jyeah.

23) Have you ever done something really stupid or illegal with this person?
~ Not too much. She's the one who pulled me out from that stage.

24) Do you know everything about this person?
~ Errr.. I guess so. Rite seri?

25) Would you date this person's siblings?
~ I would! Her's only brother is like 7? No harm done rite?

27) Do you miss him/her?
~ Yes, Missing alot. In fact, I'm gonna call her later.

28) Have you fought before?
~ Even friends do fight and quarrel sometimes. but it made the friendship stronger. =)

29) Have you gone skinny dipping with this person?
~ Nope.

30) Does this person have a fetish?
~ Fetish for guys with hot bodies but that was b4 she met her bf. lol.

31) Is she/he on drugs?
~ no.

32) Do you know this person's shoe size?
~ 7/8.

33) Have you ever worn this person's clothes?
~ YES. lol.

34) Have you and this person made up a hand shake?
~ No actually. that's childs' play.

35) If it was "freaky friday" would you switch bodies with this person?
~ Thr's no nid to switch. We noe each other inside out, remember?

36) Has this person ever seen you dance?
~ We dance together! hehe.

37) Have you ever heard this person sing?
~ Yes. hehe. AWW!

39) Do you know this persons friendster password?
~ Errr. i forgot. but she noes mine! damn u seri! lol.

40) Do you know this persons best friend?
~ I dunno. we've never really used the word bestie much. If thats another word for Favourite girl, i guess its me then. hahahaa. TK TAHU MALU. slaps face*

41) Have you and this person ever gotten into a fight that lasted more than 2 days?
~ Yes.

42) Does this person cry alot?
~ Nope. She's one strong person emotionally and mentally, just insecure. =)

43)Have you met any of this person's family?
~ Yes.

44) Have you and this person went clubbing?
~ nope, sadly. SOON!

45) Do you know how to make this person feel happy?
~ Why not you ask her?

46) Do you and this person talk a lot?
~ yup.

47) Have you licked this person?
~ HAHAHA. YESSSS!

48)Have this person ever yelled at you?
~ Wait. I can't remember. Never I guess.

49) Have you and this person got into a fist fight?
~ Hahaha. wth? No.

50) Do you love this person?
~ I wouldn't bother doin this if i don't.

51) Do you want to be with him/her forever?
~ OKAY that's weird!

Now repost this as:
"Can you answer 51 questions on your 1st featured fren"

2008-08-11T03:00:00.004+08:00

I swear I have been trying very hard
To change not only us, but
To correct upon those who have failed
To take notice of this love.
Should have listened when this heart spoke
that things could never get better.
What not.
Hearts and minds make mistakes time and again.
This love's turned from raw to burned.
Talking about memories,
Simply made things worse.
If everything consists sacrificing,
and understanding without being understood,
I'd rather sacrifice myself from being hurt, again.
A bird has feathers,
but clipped in constraint.
The river has tides,
but it has yet to flow.
So tell me now.
How can you possibly make up for
A sin that has burned holes in fine lines.
Giving up is no longer a possibility,
But a choice not made to be denied.
Just realise one thing.
The wind might already be gone
Before you even try to prove innocence.
So here it goes again, repeatedly,
The last chance to regain
What's supposed to be called happiness.
But baby you know, that there was never a last chance.
That's the power of unconditional love, I guess.

Written.by.Ekin.

2008-08-08T14:54:00.002+08:00

I am grateful that I have such BEAUTIFUL people around me.
=)

Coincidences and Hypertensions

2008-07-20T00:37:00.004+08:00

Heyyyyyy ppl.

I've just gotten back from a very long day with my three much loved less partners-Seri, Chez, & Wei Qing. Had so much fun at Sentosa although the weather wasn't at all fine. So much for wanting to sun tan though. It drizzled the moment we stepped onto the coarse sand of Tanjung Beach. We didnt want to go to neither Pahlawan nor Siloso because we wanted to be isolated from the crowd. Furthermore, there were hundreds of people there. NONO. The purpose of going there was to relax, not to be irritated by the crowd.

Indeed, this world is small. I didn't know people Seri and I didn't know could remember our names. What's worse, they were smiling and talking as if we've sat down with them b4. I asked one of them from far who he was and he answered Siloso. LOL. I guess he was tryna say that he was going to Siloso Beach, which was an impossible question as I was giving him my confused look. We spent almost the whole day trying to figure out who the hell the person/people was/were. We gave up finally, after much brain-wrecking, not wanting to add on to the confusion that was already created. We managed to go for a swim though.

I am thankful enough that it didn't rain continuously or even heavily. Just the passing clouds. And it was windyyyyyy.. I just love the way the wind blows on my face, and my hair swaying to the rhythm of the wind, don't you? =) The rain only came pouring down when we had already freshened up. What luck. And the tram started to move when I was boarding. Luckily, my friends shouted for the driver to stop, or I would have been left behind stranded under the rain. tskk.

Simply, they're just sweet and funny and loving and caring and whatever else there is they have in common that only my heart knows but my mind doesnt. We ended up getting soaked and dirty again. ouh, you prolly wanna see pictures rite. We took many, maybe even 50. But nehhh.. I'll rather keep them to myself. HAHA. soooo there you go. My day.

ps: I now know who they are, well, at least one of them. My friendster friend whom I've never talked or chatted with b4, but recently added me up. AND I WAS LIKE "OUHHHHH! NO WONDER HE LOOKS SO FAMILIAR!" hope I came across the right profile though. lol.

2008-07-17T18:43:00.003+08:00

Ive been addicted to the smell of tiger balm lately. weird? I know. I've been listening to old songs, and I came across Justin Timberlake's song- Cry me a river. Nice song to suit the mood I'm having now. How I wish I could turn back time. Maybe I wouldn't have been so stupid if I knew what it's gonna be like now. Still very much haunted by the past. Give me a piece of advice will you? Anyone?? Right, I guess no one's gonna read my blog and if you do, you prolly wouldn't know what the hell I'm talking about anyway. lol. Girls are just stupid, well actually it's just me. That's all I have to say. I rest my case. =)

2008-07-08T15:21:00.009+08:00

My sis and her bf.

Darling.

Us.

Lollipop

My two beloved.

Unforgettable ride. (Space Shot)

KL + GENTING TRIP with sis, her bf and bf.
I enjoyed myself. ALOT.
With loved ones by my side, everything feels great. =D
Its a pity I'll have to go back to school tomorrow. been skippin for two days already. lol.
And damn, I miss my darlings alot!

2008-06-26T02:21:00.001+08:00

Yesterday's pictures. Seri and I met Marinah and Joyah, and yes, they're still the same cheerful and easy-going people. hehe. It was great to finally bump into them.

That's Zim's cap btw.

My Best Bitch in town. Hehe. The commited Breakdancers.
Seri, Joyah, Marinah, Myself.
Firman being vain. =p

Darling Wei Qing came over to my place today. Miss her damn loads. Its been ages since I last saw her. Still look the same though. haha. We caught up on loads of stuff. There's always somethnig to talk about. She's like a lesbian partner, only that both of us have our own boyfriends. LOL.

Went to CP afterwards, which we took many pictures. Well, not exactly many. haha.

Wei Qing

Shut up.

Toilet-people.

And guess who I met. My long lost friend, Fizah. =))

I've been bumping into old friends lately. But I'm glad I did.
Please, please, please. I don't want to go to CP again tomorrow. =(

2008-06-24T16:30:00.000+08:00

What I've done, is it plainly because of revenge? I'm still very much confused actually. I tell people I'm happy but deep down inside, I don't know what the hell I'm doing or feeling. Whether I've made the right desicion, I'm still searching for the answer. I simply cannot forget everything you've done to me even after much attempts. Trying to push away the memories of every hurtful thing you have done after we've broken up ends up making me even more hurt. The bruised heart, the tears, the endless nights, the nightmares, the desperation, the force to move on, the way you dragged me out from your life, the motivation I got, the guys that came along, the friends that stood by me, the calls I received when I finally had the courage to move on, the way you wanted to come back, the way u regretted, everything. I feel soo stupid. :'(

2008-06-23T22:58:00.000+08:00

HEYY YA'LL.

I don't know why but i just feel like blogging today.
Prepare for a post of nonsence. You can skip if you want. haha.

Slept for only 4 hours today and surprisingly, I'm still feeling hyper after a long day! Went to Compass Point with boyfie tdy and as usual, ate at KFC. We were so lost without any plans in mind. Because we have grown so used to having transportation, we were walking aimlessly around CP like total idiots now that there is none. Yes, and we walked and walked, only to end up at the same place everytime. When we both grew tired of having no direction, I decided to buy bubble tea. And guess what, we ended up spitting pearls at each other for half an hour. Blame it on boredom. Sooo many wasted pearls. Luckily, there was no one looking. lol. You know, anything can happen when you're bored. haha. I guess we've grown too comfortable with each other till we can even fart and burp as loud as we want knowing that none of us will be disgusted at all. Now that I think of it, GROSS! Being childish ocassionally is another thing. No, not me but the twenty year old. =p You should have seen him! He was bullying me all the way. Gggrr! haha. I went home today feeling all sticky, pearls stuck in my hair. NICE.

A Day Full of Laughter, A Day to Remember.

NOT DONE YET. When I was walking home, I saw someone. Someone who made my days and brought me smiles during my difficult time. All mood was lost. =(

OK BYE!

2008-06-21T18:07:00.006+08:00

Us in the car.

Tercipta untukku.

I swear I love them.

River.

Some pictures I have been wanting to upload for some time but just couldn't find any till now.
they are all jumbled up and were taken on different dates.
Wait!
DUN TELL ME YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
Yes, the answer is yes. :))

Ive been trying to stay patient with this bitch, but she has been getting on my nerves lately.
I was accused of being a CHEAPO. It was not an accuse anymore, it was framing! Since when did I go around BEGGING other guys to get together with me?? WTH. Don't get angry because your boyfriend(ouh, ex already eh? haha.) wants me instead. I never wanted to interfere with your "fairy tale" life. Just face the fact that he's mine now.
You think you can make him believe your lies and fall for your drama?
DREAM ON.

I'm Better Than You.

2008-06-02T19:19:00.000+08:00

I realised that it's hard to find someone whom you can connect to completely.
Someone whom you feel extremely comfortable with.
Someone whom you can love overnight.
Gosh. I hate having to start all over again.
I just feel like running away sometimes.
I'm having mild crushes which come at one instance, and disappear the very next day.
damn.
I just want someone i love to hold me.
To that someone, I'm waiting for you to appear.

2008-05-25T12:44:00.002+08:00

This has been the worst week ever.

I wish it'll get better from today onwards.

2008-05-15T19:27:00.009+08:00

I would like to thank MARNI, SHIDAH, ISA AND SUHAIL for being there for me yesterday and giving me non-stop advices. I can sense ur care and love for me, really. I don't know how to ever repay. You guys made my night, by making me laugh and all. I felt free, for that moment of time. My classmates, you guys did the same too especially Hanie, Ikah and Rara. The guys too. I didn't realise what wonderful friends I have then. Now I know. I WILL BE THERE FOR ALL OF YOU WHEN THE TIME COMES. I PROMISE. much much love.

The healing part, its not getting along too well. I get lost in my own world sometimes, lacking direction even when I'm walking in places so familiar. I just need company. You, my dearest friends, understand how depressing it is to be alone. AWWWW. GROUP HUG! =)

2008-05-15T19:27:00.008+08:00

these tears, they cannot stop rolling.
these hands, they cannot stop trembling.
this head, it cannot stop turning.
and this heart, it can never stop bleeding.
u took every inch of happiness I have left.
and I just cant seem to believe everything that has happened in the last few hours.

you really broke my heart this time.

[edited]

2008-05-06T23:19:00.010+08:00

im missing too many people right now. ggrr.

Seri, Chez and Wei Qing, i miss you three freaking loads. I'd die if I didn't meet you three. Please, don't ever go away. It's hard to find people like you three, and i would never trade a million dollars for you girls. You're always standing by me, thru all my nonsence and mood swings. You girls complete me.

And there are others who appear on my mind at random times. Errgh. This emptiness i feel at times. Sometimes I wish Jumpers really existed and that I am one of them, so that I could go to all of my friends' place and catch up a lil'. Meeting once a week is not enough!

2008-05-06T23:19:00.009+08:00

Things went abit haywire this morning, but things ended nicely. I hope. I think I'm just too straightforward. Blame me for that. I really have to change that! Damn! And my way of approach and insensitivity caused people to get hurt. Sorry. I meant well actually, but you know.. sometimes misunderstandings occur. I dun blame ppl for that. Sometimes you just misinterpret what someone is trying to really mean.. So yeah. Whatever's been done has been done. Now that there is peace, hopefully no more misunderstandings. I'm happy enough as it is right now. Whatever happens next, I don't really give a damn. I've helped my classmates and myself to an extent of being almost hated or maybe already hated, now I hope things get better. Ouh, I've added a new Cbox and deleted the old one coz it was pointing out too many fingers and I don't wish to publicise to the whole world about Who and What. Let bygones be bygones. We'll start our enjoyable moments from now onwards.

Okay, cut all that crap.

I am excited that my friends are going to have a mini gig at Sentosa next weekend. They really have potential. I heard them just now, and the music they make is damn good. You should listen to it. I may post a video of them but ya'll have to wait till next week. haha. =p

Speaking of videos.. I'd like to share with you guys about a video i saw recently which made me have sleepless nights and trauma for days. The video is called "minah rempit peragut". Im sure many of you have seen it. Its like total shitness. She doesn't deserve to die that way for whatever reasons. I've heard too many stories I don't even know which to believe. hais. I really damnn fuckingly feel sad for her family. How would you feel if someone you love gets beaten up by 10+ men and was smashed upon a block of concrete on her head. It was the sickest thing I've seen. Looking on the brighter side, take a look at this video.
I wish my baby will be as cute as this lil thing. In the future I mean! =)
Goodnight people.

link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvii4ck3h_s

2008-05-04T11:06:00.002+08:00

my week has been mundane, going to school and back home for all four days. i didn't even go out on labour day. damn. I don't really feel like socialising rite now.. I just feel like spending time with myself and bf for the time being. have been turning down classmates' and friends invitations lately. im sorry guys. ill make it up to you peeps next weekend k? we'll go out and turn town upside down. haha. nehh. about school, it was great the 1st week. if you're not stupid, you'll understand what i meant. ouh, so many characters. i feel like im dealing with primary school kids sometimes. attention-seeking? maybe. crybaby? definitely. shall not exaggerate much. i just hope you'll change or maybe grow up.. pls. everyone else is getting sick and tired. so yeah, thats about it. ive really turned into a boring person. i might eventually delete this blog, because i feel that there is no use of me having one when no one reads it. I thank you, whoever reading this and also wish to apologise if you know that i was referring to you earlier on. we're still classmates after all.. and im not losing anything if you girls wanna start bitching abt me too.. it doesn't hurt me one bit coz i've got so many other greater friends. gosh. this mess i get into everytime. should have listened to mum. the more friends yu have, the more troubles and misunderstandings you'll have. ok bye.

2008-04-23T21:00:00.004+08:00

okay, i have a lil' confession.

i never thought i would say such words but here goes nothing.

I LOVE SCHOOL.

Pheww.there.

Made new friends, great ones i mean. And I am simply happy with the environment and all, even though the facilities are not as great as compared to Simei. -__-'

i have so much things to talk about, but I don't even know where to start.

Just a lil in depth, it is much better than I thought it should be.

Maybe, i made the right choice after all. screw those who think ITE is shit.

ps, i am posting this because of my schoolmate, SERI, who told me to update. lol.

SERI, DUN BLUSH OKAY. I AM MAKING U FAMOUS. hahaha. =p

2008-04-06T23:34:00.004+08:00

What is your perception of the phrase 'Best Friend'?
Everyone has their own point of view and I respect that but to me, the word doesn't really exist, because of certain factors i will explain to you now.

In this world, you will probably meet a lot of good(and bad too) people whom you want to be close to, not because they are famous/popular among other people or not just because they share common things/thoughts as you do. It's also because you get along fine, and do random things together. you share your views with them and vice versa. You don't just stand up or lend a listening ear to them but go through thick and thin together. You are not afraid to show your flaws to them and so are they. Most importantly, it is how much difference they have made in you life since they came along.

You can begin to love a friend from the first time you talk to them. It does not really matter about how long you've known them or that they are closest to you, but what they have done for you throughout your whole friendship. Each and every one of your friends have their own special qualities and flaws, so why should you bother calling her/him your best friend when your other normal friends do the same for you or maybe even more? Who knows, your BEST FRIEND might eventually forget about you once they have found new friends. But i am not saying all though, because i have friends who still do remember me as much as i do of them. humans are not perfect.

You can never trust just anyone. There is a cliche, "Friends come and go, but only true ones stay" for a reason. It is hard to differentiate a true friend and a fake friend. Some disguise themselves as being 'heaven sent', just for that particular moment so that they can be close to you for different reasons, but what the fuck for? Why the fuck are you using them? When u find someone else who is more interesting, you totally forget to acknowledge your other friends. But yes, there are friends who are not worth your time. they are close to you for years, but silently pulling you down and backstabbing you. I advise you to stay away from them. Better yet, stay away from those who love to gossip. You'll be safe from getting hurt in the end.

I could write a few more paragraphs, but being a very lazy person, i will stop here. just to summarise things up, every one can be a best friend, an enemy or maybe family to you, but its who you choose to be YOUR friend. i do have a few close friends whom i really treasure and hopefully, will never forget. Each one of them has made a difference in my life. Friends make life beautiful, at least to me. Goodnight people!

2008-03-30T01:35:00.004+08:00

i was bored

again.

my belo bf. haha.

but i'm belo-er.

its beautiful, really.

pests

2008-03-28T17:18:00.005+08:00

EEEK!
there was a cockroach flying around in my house and it was so damn BIG! it was already 3am+ in the morning and imagine two ladies running around my room like lunatics trying to kill the stupid cockroach and at the same time, running away from it. ROFL.
And i was holding on to a slipper acting like a batter but too timid to even smack it when it was crawling on my bedroom wall while my sister squads down and closes her ears with her hands every time the cockroach flies.
the most stupid thing was that my slipper was wrapped in a garbage bag because we didn't want to dirty the walls. The cockroach tried to attack us when we sprayed baygone on it.
we were terrified! thankfully, it didn't get to fly much cos it was already getting dizzy.
the funny part was that it was flying up,down,left and right but not straight after the 4th time my sister sprayed on it. LOL.
my sister dint get to see it though cos she took immediate cover when it started to fly again. i really should have taken a video or something. you'd be laughing if you saw the whole thing.
my mother woke up and was shocked to see a "batter" and a "prayer" on the bed.
By that time, the cockroach had crawled under the bed and when mom searched for it under the bed, it was already half-dead beside the wall.
she cleaned up for us, cos we were too disgusted. i cant imagine being a mother and be afraid of pests next time. mothers are always heroines. me? id rather be a princess and wait for a prince-charming to rescue me if i become a mom one day. hahaha.
bottom line, i hate every stupid insect or whatever. damn. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! don't get me wrong. I'm not afraid of them, just disgusted with wings and feelers. haha. I respect the one aboves' creations but i just can't help it.

ouh, chris crocker! ahahahahha. find him on youtube if u haven't seen or heard about him yet.
BYE!

2008-03-12T17:50:00.000+08:00

I'm terribly sorry for being so selfish yesterday night. I never thought I would hurt you until I saw the way your eyes looked away from mine all night long. You wouldn't even look at me, only staring at the crowd and looking over only once in a while. Obviously, you didn't even enjoy yourself. And I finally realised that it was my fault, forcing you to go my way and not caring about your thoughts or feelings. Even when you said that you're alright, I know you're not. You tried so much not to spoil my night, and I thank you for that. That was a huge sacrifice I made you do, and I totally regret it. I'm never going to make you do it again. I love you, truly.

2008-03-01T01:41:00.000+08:00

town was absolutely greattttt. And i caught "Ah Long Pte Ltd" at Plaza Singapura. Was damn funny. Id give it a three and a half out of five stars. Must watch movie. =)

2008-02-29T04:07:00.008+08:00

My NEW HAIRDO.
And it reminds me of Nelly Furtado.

ILOVEMYNEWHAIR.ILOVEMYNEWHAIR.

Been trying to get used to this new hairdo. It doesnt suit me much, but what the heckk,

its something new!

I am sick and tired of my old hair. Wait. Allow me to repeat that.

SICK AND TIRED.
Finally, Ive done something after years.

Those who have known me long enough would know that I have been having

the same hairstyle ever since I was in secondary one. lol.

And i've shocked many of my friends.

I will update more of my new hair soon.

But first, I have to do something to make it better looking.

The only sad thing is, my fringe is too thick.

I look as if I'm wearing a wig if I were to let it down just like that. haha.

Any ideas, people?

2008-02-23T07:02:00.000+08:00

I don't even know how i should feel right now, whether to feel extremely happy or extremely sad. Ouh I'm having butterflies in my stomach right now. Ouh God, ouh God. Someone please wake me up from this nightmare! I have just accepted the course which was given to me (business administration at ITE Bishan) a few moments ago. I seriously do not know if I have made the right choice, but to chase after my dreams, I have to choose the long route because the short route didn't work. Being stuck with 27 points and having only 4 credits, I know for sure I could not even enter Poly. Ouh, did I cry like hell.

Even if I could appeal, I know I would not get the course I want which is Hospitality and Tourism management. The cut-off point for that course is 12 points at TP, in case you are wondering. YEAH, I know what's on your mind, idiot!

I have diappointed so many, especially my family. The reason why I chose to enter higher nitec instead of retaking my O's is because if I were to graduate this course with a GPA of 3.5 and above, I can enter almost every business course I want in TP. Which means, I can take up Hospitality and Tourism Management.

I know if I were to retake my O's, it'll be a total waste of time because I know I wouldn't possibly jump form 27 points to 10 points. You see the gap there? YEAH. But, I'm having doubts.
Firstly, I am most afraid of the influence I will get myself into. I don't know how the influence will be like, but all i know is that i am easily influenced.
Secondly, the thought of going to ITE and watch my friends go into poly really pains me, ALOT, because they only have to study for three years, and i will have to study for 5 years. That is if I can get into poly eventually. I HOPE SO.
Lastly, I have never thought that I would end up in ITE instead of Poly. When I received my results, reality came crashing down on me, breaking me into pieces. I could hardly believe what I saw in my slip, and the worst thing was that I wasn't even prepared for it. Damn it!
But I'm trying very very hard to look on the positive side. Maybe God gave me this route to make me learn from my mistakes, and He knew that if I did slightly better, I would have chosen Poly and went into some shitty course which I don't like, and I won't be studying either. I'm thankful that I still get to enter higher nitec instead of nitec. That would be such a loooong route.
And I would like to thank my friends, especially Wei Qing, who has helped me alottt in my studies, to my tuition teacher and school teachers, and not forgetting my family for giving me support all these while. I love you all. I will try my best to study harder and not spend too much time with friends and BF anymore. hehe. =D

2008-02-20T03:59:00.013+08:00

She stared insolently at him, never blinking an eye. The thought of having believed him all these while made her seeth with impotent fury. Hot tears scalded her eyes as she felt the agony enshrouding her. She tried so hard to be implacable, but she knew that he would take her breath away very soon.

There has always been a strong petulance about him that made her want to kick his balls and make sure he becomes infertile, but she would not bare to do such an inhuman thing. She finally looked away, delibitated as he slowly walked over to her seat. Just as she had predicted, he sat beside her, hugged her around her fragile hips and apologised, promising that he would never lie to her again.

She slowly esconced herself into his warm arms, vowing to herself that this would be the final chance given to him. The painful fact that she is still very much head over heels for him made it impossible for her to leave him. She wondered when she would finally pick up the courage to do so. She knew he was not worth it, has never been and always will never be.

this post holds no meaning. just felt liike writing. =)

2008-02-13T23:19:00.004+08:00

I feel like laughing my ass out when i read all my previous posts, especially those which i have written when i first started blogging. OMG. I feel like puking already.

Can't believe that was me writing all those. I've changed so much.

Don't you think so?

;)

2008-02-12T02:37:00.001+08:00

"Ekin, have you found someone who is up to your expectations?"

That question really left me left me thinking and speechless. I wanted so much to say "YES, I've found him.", but I know that I would have been lying to myself. For more than two years of being together, never have I really thought about this. Yes, being with him is beautiful.I cannot deny the fact that he is the only one that can really make my days and provides everything I need in a relationship, but for long-term wise, I've got nothing to say about it. Most of my friends have introduced their boyfriends to their parents, except me. It's because their boyfriends are in poly or are graduates. Me? I don't know any positive things to say about him, only his character. I decided to keep quiet everytime my parents ask me if i have a boyfriend because they often remind me to get an educated one(doesn't mean he has to be a university graduate,I mean), or they will not bless my relationship. "It's for your own good, Kin", they reasoned.

Everytime i tell him to do something about his future and start going back to school, he doesn't really seem to care much. I have been with him long enough to know that he is not stupid, just not interested in holding books, and if he really puts his mind into anything he does, he will be the best. After much thinking, I have come to a conclusion. He's been so far the best boyfriend i have ever had.

Near perfect, just without education.

2007-12-12T02:33:00.000+08:00

i love acting like a model. =D
the craziest girls

that is marni.=D

i have good news to share. after a month of desperation, I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A JOB! yay! i'll be starting work on monday, 17th, at Isetan. pretty lame huh. but wth, i can finally shop without having to beg my mom for money anymore!
today's plan: to get a bday pressie for marni, and stay overnight at her chalet.

it has five bedrooms(i think). we'll see how it goes then. hopefully, its gonna be the best birthday party this year. gonna get myself drunkDRUNKdrunk. sins after sins. lol. =x

2007-12-06T18:24:00.000+08:00

Had a great birthday party on the 3rd. weee. =) thanks all who attended my pit. im grateful. even thou it was last minute, im amazed that many came. more than i had expected.